Living in Illusion

Back in 2019, I was living my life. Later I found out, I was actually living in an illusion. I was proud that I joined five public concerts of Warfaze in a row. I was also proud that I smoked pot with some of the most popular and talented artists of that time. Although music was always a sacred part of my life, I used to demote it by getting high in concerts.

But the consequences were destructive. I used to have headaches ing 24/7. On top of that, I just could not sleep at night. I used to spend my entire night scrolling my tablet computer. In the morning, with all these stresses, I probably managed to get 1/2 hour(s) of sleep, if I got lucky.

Seeking Solutions

My then-girl left me, and I almost got addicted to smoking and drinking to erase the pain. Mentally, I became completely deluded and physically in my worst condition. All this time, I knew I was going down and needed to stand up. All these issues I kept to myself. Eventually, I tried a few online courses to reduce stress, but it did not work for me. I made an appointment with a renowned consultant. I wrote everything in a notebook so I would not miss anything. I was too desperate to have a sound sleep at night and found out the issue I was having. Even with the consultant and three therapists, I found out it was completely bogus, and they were running things with a generic textbook format. As I refused to take sleeping pills, it did not work for me.

Discovering a Different Life

Now, I decided to leave everything and move to a tribal hill area in our country. There, to move from one village to another, we have to cross a few hills, usually taking 7/8 hours a day. Having no mobile network, the smartphone became a useless brick. To my surprise, after a long time, during the night, I started to sleep like a dead person. I spent over three weeks there, and every day, I used to go to sleep in the evening and wake up in the very early morning.

I found that people there were too relaxed (I do not say they were happy). The interesting pattern was they woke up early, worked their ass off, and went to sleep. In every single metric, that society is better than mine. It is fascinating how a society we used to call illiterate, barbarian, and outdated is living a far better life.

Transformation

I returned to my home as a completely different person. I still do not know how I can be happy. But now I know what I can do to myself, so I can sleep at night. I make my life simple by keeping the clothing black and blue. I started to stress myself physically till my heart burst out for air. More importantly, instead of finding happiness, I look at my duty and get the work done.

It's been more than a year; I did not take any pills for my headaches. It's not like I do not get the headaches, but now, I ignore them and override them with physical stresses.

I still go to the musical programs nowadays but make sure the event is qualityful and keep this music sacred and don't get high.

I started running my ass off, and till now, I completed several marathons and half marathons including one ultra-marathon.

All these years of darkness taught me how to handle the ups and downs. More importantly, I know how valuable sleep is during the night.

Been wrong too many times, not being a happy person, but I'm still moving forward.

Like Elton John,

Don't you know I'm still standin' better than I ever did?
Lookin' like a true survivor, feelin' like a little kid
And I'm still standin' after all this time
Pickin' up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I promise to myself, whatever it is, I am not compromising my sleep anymore.